March 14, 2010


Jelly Beans.  Lush.  Benefit Makeup.  Rollercoasters. Chocolate Protein Shakes.  Chipmunks.  Movies.  Audrey Kitching. Childish Pajamas.   Lavender. Topshop. Diet Cherry Cola. Baby  Pink.  Tofu.  Coffee. Pete Wentz.   Soup.  Emerald Green. Being Messy Then Going OCD.  Pizza.  Ginger Tea. Primark.  Hayley Williams.  Glee.  The Beach Boys.  Desperate Housewives.  Sherbot Lemon Yellow. Reading.  Giving. Taking.  Green Tea. Paramore. Turqouise.  Buffy.  Music. Jam Tarts. Grey. Yorkshire Puddings. Ballet Pumps.  Vampire Diaries.   Gravy.  Honey.  Black. Cranberries.  Cherrys.  Taking It A Day At A Time. My Job. Blogging. Learning.  The Beatles. Sex And The City. Bubble Baths. Face Masks. Too Many Bracelets. Too Many Rings. Oversized Band Shirts.  My Sister In Law  .  Napping. Daydreaming.  Doodling.  Christmas.  The Radio. Travelling.  Nephew.  Texting. Sunshine.  Dancing In My Underwear. Maddona. Retro. Vintage. The Dice Man. Change. Vinyls.  Vivienne Westwood. Twilight Saga. Declan. Thinspiration. We Are The Ocean. My Brother.   Halloween.  Blink 182.  Collages. Self HelpBooks.  Jon And Kate Plus 8. Kids. Happiness. Cartoons. Art.  Riding Bikes. Disney. Rachel Mcadams. Cookies. Tots TV. Matthew Lawrence. Marilyn Manson. Tattoos. Piercings. Glitter. Sequins. London. Red Hair. The Hills. Comedy. Horror Films. Vampires. The Virgin Suicides. Michael Cera. Mascara. Lipbalms In Every Flavour. Over Packing My Bag. Walking Everywhere. Taking Pictures.  Going To The Movies. Jumping. Smilling. Twitter. The Smell Of Coconut. Vanilla. Sunglasses. Joy. Love.


Bullies. Bipolar Disorder. Anxiety. Being Fat. Depression. Being Unmotivated. Being Judged. Paranoia. Being Ugly. Hurting Other People. Insects. Being Too Hot Or Too Cold. Not Having Money. Owing Money. My ID Photo. Always Being Late No matter What. My Parents. Failing. Not Knowing What I want. Not Knowing Who I Am.

What do you Love/Hate?  M xo


Go away please Debbie Downer.

March 9, 2010

So you probably know that I left Twitter and other social networking sites for a short period of time after taking a break from my computer to focus on my life. Well I am back. But things have gotten worse. I have no idea what is going on with my home situation. My mum is walking out and looking at womens refuges after putting up with my dad beating on her for the last 20 odd years. My dad is in denial. My brother is following in my dads footsteps and beating on his girlfriend. The police have been to our house twice in one weekend. I have gained weight. Got really unhealthy. No idea what I am doing with my life. Dont have a clue what I want to do jobwise. Quitting 1 job.dropped out of college for the second time. I ate meat. I drank too much. I smoked. I took things i shouldnt have taken, Did things I shouldnt have done. I let myself down. I pressed the self destruct button.Yeah life isn’t so good. But I am back because I know that shutting myself off and isolating myself is not a good idea right now and I have some really good friends that support me on twitter. As sad as that sounds haha. So I am back.

But you know what? I want you to read that last paragraph and know that you should NOT feel bad for me. Because I don’t. I am sick of being depressed. I am sick of beating myself up and drowning in negativity. There has to be a point in your life when you stand up and say ”Fuck Off!” to the Debbie Downer in you. That time is now for me. I will let my parents get on with their self destruction. I will not join them in that. I have a fantastic brother and sister in law and the best friends ever! I have a good heart and the potential to be a good person and do good things. I will put that potential to good use.

So right now I may be confused and lost but I am not alone. I am not out of the game i am just on pause. I just need to figure out my game plan and resume. Would appreciate any help and guidance from you guys!

So my message i suppose for this post is that we all get a little lost some times. We all go astray at some point. Its ok. We are just misguided ghosts remember? You all know that its whats in our hearts that counts, our intentions. We just need to work on turning those intentions into actions. We will get there I promise you. We just need to kick Debbie Downer out of the way! =]

And on that note I will stop rambling on and get back to drinking too much tea and falling asleep. =] I will also leave youwith my favourite quote from my favourite person. ”Every once in a while you have to change everything about yourself. Where you live and what you look like..” – Audrey Kitching

No name xo

It’s not Goodbye it’s TTFN..

March 3, 2010

..As in Ta Ta For Now ..gotta love Tigger! :p
Anyway so I’m basically just giving you guys the explanation I promised. I am currently layed in bed sick with a bug that’s been going around. I have been scammed by bank fraudsters. Had a bad time at work. Had some problems with my second job. Have had money problems. .. I could go on with my list of problems right now. I know I know! Whiney little bitch haha! Well this is one of the reasons I am taking a breal from networking. I don’t want to spread the misery! I am little miss good intention remember? I want to spread peace and love and optimism. Not stomach flu and pesimism!
The other reason is that I have some serious problems to fix and am going through big changes in my life right now and need to focus on these things. It’s like I’m driving around, looking at which roads to go down and I’m so busy tweeting on my phone I keep missing the turn haha !
So I am getting rid of my computer and taking a break from twitter/myspace/youtube ohmygosh the list is so long haha I have so many accounts! I still have twitter and wordpress and facebook on my phone.. So I will probably check in every now again but I hope I don’t untill I’ve been more productive ! It’s going to be hard. I love twitter! But this needs to happen. I need no distractions.
Once I feel like I’ve got more control of my life I will come back. Twitter is staying no matter what but I don’t know what other accounts will stay. So untill I’m back keep following me on and you will see my return!
In the meanwhile I love you all dearly and wish you well! Speak sooooooon mwah! xo

Everybody scream your <3 out!

February 24, 2010

Hello  readers! I hope that you are all doing well and having a great day =]

So if you follow me on Twitter you will be aware that I went to a gig last night, I saw Lostprophets at the 02 academy in Newcastle. I went with my good friend Heather who has been a huge fan of the band for years! I liked them, I knew a handful of songs but was really only going as a favour for Heather and to spend some time with her and have a good night. But I ended up having a really good time and I love the band now!

Well Heathers parents picked me up and took drove us to Newcastle, bought us Dinner and her Dad even gave me £40 because I couldn’t find a cash machine! Sweetest parents ever! I was dressed in a kind of Goth Mouse outfit haha – Sid and Nancy Top, Biker boots and Mouse ears =]

The first band to play were We are the ocean. I LOVED them! Got there EP at the merch stand and checked out their myspace, hoping to see them again when they come to my town in April ;] check them out at !

Next up were Kids in glass houses. They were ok.

FInally Lostprophets came on. Ian Watkins is amazing! He had this kind of Rocker type Kenicky from Grease thing going on haha, slicking his hair, sliding up his jacket collar. He owned the stage. They played all the songs I knew but played the rest with so much energy I couldn’t help but bounce along despite not knowing the words! Ian was wearing a Vivienne Westwood belt too. His coolness went up a notch ;] . He was funny, he was cool, he sang his heart and was so into the audience it was like watching a friend play!

I got an awesome Limited edition Print from the merch stand, a bracelet and of course the We are the ocean cd =]

Oh and there was alot of cute guys in the bands. Doesn’t hurt. ;]

So all in all a fabulous night! So Heather if you are reading this thanks again for inviting me, thanks to you parents for being so good to me.

Check out the bands and see my twitter for updates and photos from the night. ;]

Peace Bitches =p Maggie May xo

Junk food does not = Love

February 21, 2010

Good evening friends, I hope you are enjoying your Sunday. If you follow me on Twitter you may have read a tweet of mine which listed names I would call my children if I had any. This came about via a conversation I had about babies with my sister and her friend. Laura [my sister] said that she would be a surrogate for me one day if I decided to have children, which I thought was such a beautiful offer and meant a lot to me. Even if it never happens, the thought that she offered to bring a life in to the world for me to call be trusted with and raise is very precious and I will not forget that. It got me thinking about having kids, I decided on a few names like Matilda, Lyla, Gabe and Ryden. I think those names are cool and slightly unique. I thought about how I would raise my children , things I would teach them, values I would instill in them. After alot of daydreaming I decided that of all things I would want my children to be healthy, honest, good hearted, happy and loved. These are the most important things I feel.

I then came across an article as I flicked through some magazines, this particular article caught my interest and even as I type it gives me a heavy heart to even think about such neglect. The article is about a young girl whose name I don’t think I should mention [even though she is in a magazine I don’t feel it is my place to be promting her story on the internet]. This girl was sent to an american style ‘Fat Camp’ at the age of 11 as she weighed 12 1/2 stone! Thats 175lbs!  After spending 8 weeks at this camp and being forced into healthy eating regimes and exercise she lost 21lbs. When she returned home she gave up the exercise and ignored the healthy eating she had been shown, going straight back to the crisps and cakes. Her mother [who at this moment is making my blood boil just thinking of her] is now arguing that the Fat Camp did not live up to her expectations and that now her child hates exercise and has not lost any more weight. Well I am sorry for being so blunt but who the fuck made her obese in the first place you stupid cow? She had her child at the age of 14  and thinks this is an excuse to neglect her childs nutritional needs and turn her into a not very mini version of her tubby mummy. I am disgusted by it and wonder how she has the ordasity to publicly blast the people who tried to help her daughter and try to fox the problem she created! The ‘mother’ is quite obese herself and is filling her daughter full of junk food and acting like she loves her when in actual fact what she is doing is causing her health problems, giving bullies an excuse to torment her, stopping her from having a proper childhood and actually as extreme as it sound..KILLING her! I can’t even talk about them anymore and I don’t even want to look at the magazine now I am so frustrated. How can this woman not see what she is doing? Does she have no sense? No shame?

Having a child is a blessing. A blessing some people are not fortunate enough to ever be able to experience and it hurts me to see people abuse theirs. If you have a child, you are responsible for the way they turn out and if your child weighs more than its age you haven’t done a very good job have you? She may not hit her child but she is abusing her in another way. She is neglecting her duty to teach the girl the necessity of healthy eating and exercisse, comprimising her health. If this girl reaches the age of 20 [which doctors say she won’t] she will get bigger and bigger, more depressed and end up resenting her mother. So what is the mother gaining?

I know I struggle with my body issues. I have been known to neglect the nutritional training I have had and I am known amongst the people I trust with my secret, as a bulimic. But at the end of the day I am fighting against it. I am trying every day to change my ways and embrace a healthy attitude towards food and I know that if I had children I would do my absoloute best to ensure they were not only healthy but that I gave them the common sense to keep up their healthy weys in the future. Because I would have a duty to do this for my children. I would not neglect this. No matter what state my health is in now. One day I will put my ED behind me, far behind and I will be the healthiest person I know and my future children will be just as healthy if not more. They will never be neglected and they will never be poisoned by junk food. I hope those of you reading feel the same.

My heart goes out to this little girl and I hope that her mother sees sense and that they both end up turning their lives around and leaving their bad diets behind them. I hope that you all understand where I am coming from and above all I hope I have given you something to think about.

Lots of love and hope , Magdalena x


February 16, 2010

Many people, when in bed, find worries chasing round their head. Much more use, it must be said to count the days triumph’s instead. There’s a lot of truth in this little ditty. It’s all too easy to dwell on the day’s frustrations and concerns about the future, but it’s a rare day that doesn’t contain a chink of light or small success.  So next time your thoughts keep you awake, find the day’s high point. Congratulate yourself on that cake you made; remember the smallest step you took towards a distant goal; relive a welcome phone conversation with a friend. This is the stuff of everyday life, but it’s worth more than we sometimes realise – and we can make it all the more meaningful by choosing to dwell on the positive.

positive thought, love magdalena xo

February 7, 2010

I smell really bad right now as I just got home from the gym and have yet to shower and change, but I wanted to take advantage of Lauras computer and blog while I was still in a good mood because you know how I get haha! Anyway so I had a good time at the gym, it’s so much fun working out with my brother and his girlfriend and it motivates me especially because my brother is in awesome shape and he is really into working out … lets hope it turns out to run in the family :p and Laura is in good shape too so when I see her in her tshirt eith her flat stomach I wanna work a little harder to catch up!! I really am in a good mood today, I love being here at my brothers house and being around them, they are so happy and fun and really wuite productive which rubs off on me. I also love that Lauras family totally accept me into the herd so to speak…I spent the last two christmas’s there and have been going for Sunday lunch over ther for a while now. I finally feel like I have a family. Loving every minute. =] Also work is going well and I have been getting back into make up and beauty [if only by watching youtube tutorials and practising on Laura…I don’t miss college one bit.] and have been feeling very inspired and aching to learn all kinds of new things in general! Life is good and it’s getting better every day.

One thing I have been thinking about recently is this whole Identity thing. The idea that what you wear, what you do for a living and what you do for fun etc..  tells people who you are and what you are about. I get it to a certain extent. I am fighting between the idea that we shouldn’t be labelled by such things and the idea that we obviously are and we shouldn’t fight that. Maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t quite no who I am yet that scares me. I kind of  have myself under two different identities though…

Maggie is optimistic and friendly, works in nutrition and practises what she preaches, loves make up and art and all things beautiful, she is a vegan, doesnt drink or smoke and is a good friend – thoughtful and generous and helpful. Maggie is hardworking and always learning and teaching and loving life. Maggie is Happy.

Jade is a loner. She drinks and smokes and eats meat and junk food, she throws up said meat and junk food and loves the feeling afterwards. Jade is awkward and silent but somehow still rude..ignorant and self loathing, lazy, uninspired, ugly and deeply depressed. Jade is unhappy. Jade is everything I don’t want to be and everything I am trying to run away from.

Putting myself into those two different boxes/people helps me differentiate the multiple parts of my personality and I hope that it will also help me to see more clearly and choose a better path and become happier. I’ll let you know how that works out..

Anyway so I just wanted to let you guys know how I am doing and what I am upto and give you a little insight to my crazy mind 😉 You know you guys mean a lot to me. It’s nice to know people are paying attention to me and care how I am doing. I care about you too =]

Wishing you a wonderful evening and a fabulous week, lots of Love and Light ..Maggie xoxo

Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Seriously stop hitting yourself!

February 3, 2010

Good afternoon [or whatever time it is as you read this ] I hope you are doing well and that 2010 is treating you nicely ;] . I haven’t blogged for a while even though I said I would do it more frequently but you must know by now that I rarley ever do as I intend ..sadly.  This is something I actually would like to talk to you about today. So often I see people beat themselves up over such small things and it saddens me, yet I am guilty of the same thing.  I feel like a lot of the time we judge ourselves more than anyone else does. We try to improve ourselves and we think we do it so that other people will like us but deep down we are striving for our own acceptance. Which I suppose sounds strange..we are meant to do certain things for ourselves and not for others right? Well yes but often we get so caught up in trying to please everyone including ourselves we end up making ourselves miserable..and we all know misery loves company. It spreads like wild fire.  I don’t know wether I am explaining this correctly…

We put restrictions on ourselves like ”I WILL lose weight, I WONT eat the things i enjoy again.” or ”I wont eat meat ever again, I am going vegan TODAY and nver looking back”. We tell ourselves what we can and can’t do, which to an extent is a good thing but when it starts to make you feel miserable and restricted you can end up resenting the choices you have made and start doing the things you said you wouldn’t. You rebel in a way. We make plans and when we don’t go through with them we beat ourselves up again and I’m just sick of all of this. Its a vicous circle of making plans and breaking them and starting all over again. Eventually you start to believe that you are useless and will never succeed with anything. Dangerous things to think about yourself.

So i propose to you all that we stop being so harsh on ourselves. Stop trying to put ourselves in boxes. Stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Stop hurting ourselves when we do not succeed in our plans. Stop being our own worst enemy.

lots of love and comfort, Maggie xxx

Ramblings of menstrual hippie?

January 18, 2010

Hello everyone =] I logged into this account after about a month of being a hermit and avoiding it out of lack of inspiration and found a comment from someone that made me decide to start blogging again. They left no name and I tried to email them to say thanks but It didn’t work so if you are reading this and you remember commenting about the blog in which I spoke about skin problems then I’d like to say Hello and Thanks =]

Now I am sat at my table with rather wild hair, no make up on wearing a band tshirt and christmas pyjama pants. I have a hot Wheat bag strapped to my stomach and a bottle of Paracetomol at hand as unfortunatley for me and whoever has to hear me moan in pain for the next few days.. my ”Aunt Flow” has arrived. Too much information I am sure haha. But it means that I had an excuse for bumming around the house all day looking like a Tramp. Also an excuse for being on my computer for hours =]

I would like to take the oppurtunity to let everyone know about my fall from grace as it were. When I started this blog I was full of  Energy and Inspiration, Excitement and Enthusiasm. I was following  a Vegan Diet, I was at College, I was trying to spread good mesages and positivity. Somewhere within the last few months I fell entirely on my arse. Quit college. Started eating dairy and eggs again. Got all ’emo’ and pessimistic. Just generally turned into everything I don’t want to be. But slowly I am rebuilding myself again. See this happens alot. My life and my mind are very much like Rollercoasters. One day/week/month I am incredibly high, full of intentions and optimism..the next I am ssat on my arse wondering at what point I fell off. But my friends this is not entirely a bad thing for you see, each time I fall I get bakc up with more knowledge, more strength and more determination. I know I will fall again many many times but am prepared. So for now I am heading back up. I am trying to get back on track with my Health and Diet, Work and Animal Rights, Friends and Life in general. So I hope that if you are reading this and you are in the similar position or have been, know that you are welcome to accompany me back on the ride.

Love you much for reading and paying attention. Wish you all Love and Luck, Maggie xo

Drinking leads to life is dramatic enough thankyou Vodka I won’t be needing your services any more..

November 28, 2009

I started drinking at 11am yesterday and it ended badly. As if no one could have guessed. Cider and Vodka and Wine and Champagne and Beer all mixed up they created a pretty bad night ending in me making a fool of myself at a family wedding and running away from my parents and into my sisters house in a flood of tears and vomit. After I puked three times and finished crying, Laura and her cousin consoled me by letting me watch Twilight and making me laugh. I am very lucky to have a good family. Well the majority of my family aka the Heald side are shit and the reason I am fucked up but I do have the honour of calling Mr Daniel Grey my brother, Miss Laura Jackson my ‘sister’ and Ronald Grey my nephew. I also have auntys and uncles and cousins that are fantastic and are responsible for what very little light I have in my life. Declan is also my saviour and I must call him when I get a chance to apoligize for my drunken rambling and thank him for being a truly great friend. Anyway so to cut this long story short I have made the decision to give up drinking. It will not be easy considering I come from a long line of substance abusers and being 19 my friends will probably try and persuade me to drink but I really want to follow my decision to cut out alcohol. I hope some of you will help me.  Now on to my little week boot camp……

So tomorow we will detox [Goodness knows I need it!] So no food on Sunday, just ridiculous amounts of water and Detox type teas like Greent tea and White tea. Any supplements you would like to tak eare fine too obviously.  You should use the exercise plan on sunday too.

Come Monday the diet and exercise plan will be:

750 calories a day.

200 sit ups a day.

2 hours of aerobic exercise [dancing/walking…] a day.

each extra calorie consumed gets you an extra sit up.

2 cups of Green or White tea a day.

Start each day with a cup of hot water and lemon.

Does that sound ok? I just feel like with christmas coming up we all want to look good in our cute christmasy outfits and no one wants to kiss the fat girl under the mistle toe haha!

So if you are interested in the week of boot campishness let me know either comment and keep in touch here, or on twitter/veggiedelightxo or by email at and then we can talk privatley =]

lots of love and luck to you all friends! love Magdalena xo